Salad Dragoons
by GoldFighter88
Summary: Six teenagers happen across six of the Dragoon Spirits. Only, they have changed over time. The Dragoons' powers correspond to parts of a salad and they must battle against the Evil Lord Salad Dressing, an impatient rival bent on destruction.
1. The Giant Crouton DS

Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Dragoon or any of its characters, weapons, items, additions, Dragoon magic, or anything else from the video game.   
  
**Chapter 1**  
  
Colin sat back in his recliner, watching tv, and munching on his favorite snack: croutons. It was just a few days ago he had discovered his addiction for them, and he had been consuming them voraciously ever since. He glanced down at the empty box in his lap and all the crumbs scattered in the chair. Several of them had even made their way to the floor. He bent over to pick up as many of the crumbs as he could, and he noticed a rather large object under the chair. Maybe it was some monster roach that all the crumbs had attracted. But no, that wasn't it. This was too squared off to be any type of insect. Colin reached a hand under the chair and scooped up the mysterious item. It was a crouton, but not just your everyday, average-sized crouton. This was the largest crouton he had ever seen before. Colin eyed it in amazement and slowly lifted it to his mouth. For a second he wondered if it would fit inside his mouth, but before he could find out, he was stopped. A blinding flash emitted from the chunk and lit up the whole room. This was certainly one interesting crouton, to say the least!  
  
Author's note: Thanks for reading Chapter 1. Sorry it was so short, Chapter 2 will be much longer, I promise. Please Review or IM me: GoldFighter88 on AIM. 


	2. Meet Evil Lord Salad Dressing

Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Dragoon or any of its characters, weapons, items, additions, Dragoon magic, or anything else from the video game.   
  
Chapter 2  
  
Colin drove to the store to restock on croutons. He quickly made his way to the aisle with salad toppings and saw a group of his friends talking to each other.   
  
"Hey guys. What are all of you doing here?"   
  
"Oh hey, Colin. We were just getting some things for a party we're having tonight at my house." Megan, a long-time childhood friend of Colin's said and smiled. "You want to come?"   
  
"Yeh, thanks. Sounds like fun. What time do you want me to come over?"   
  
"Actually after we finish shopping we're going to go straight there to prepare the food."   
  
Gary, Megan, Luna, Andy, Brandon, and Colin each picked up an ingredient for the salad and headed for the checkout line. After they purchased the groceries they put them in their cars and drove to Megan's house.  
  
"Just throw it all in this bowl."   
  
Gary began tossing the salad and reached for the box of croutons to sprinkle on top. This reminded Colin of his strange discovery and took it out of his pocket to show his friends. At that moment it glowed again, only this time the light was accompanied by another emitting from the salad bowl. The six leaned in closer to take a look inside the bowl. Gary picked up the shining cherry tomato and studied it carefully. Luna picked out a piece of purple cabbage, Andy a chunk of lettuce, Brandon a slice of carrot, and Megan grabbed the container of vinegar. Each of the salad ingredients resonated together and released its own colorful glow. The teens looked at each other in confusion and turned their heads as the bottle of salad dressing fell off the table onto the floor. It grew to human-size right before their eyes, sprouting features of a face. Then, it began to talk to the shocked adolescents.   
  
"Behold, I am the Evil Lord Salad Dressing! Prepare to meet your doom, reincarnations of the Dragoons!"   
  
There was a long pause. Luna was the first to speak.   
  
"Did you just say 'Evil Lord Salad Dressing'?"   
  
"Ah, so you have heard of me…" The dressing continued to speak but was cut off by Andy.   
  
"No, actually. But did you just say something about Dragoons?"   
  
"Fools! You don't have a clue, do you? Fine, I'll explain it. Long ago there were seven brave warriors that harnessed the power to summon Dragons at their disposal. They were called the Dragoons. Well they lived several thousands of years ago, however, their Dragoon Spirits are still in existence today. Only, over all these years, time has changed them."   
  
"So you mean to tell us that these salad ingredients are the Dragoon Spirits?"   
  
"It would seem so."   
  
"But you said there were seven Dragoons. There are only six of us, so who is the seventh?"   
  
"I am, you pathetic humans! Don't you understand anything?!"   
  
"Calm down," Colin said, as he popped a crouton into his mouth.   
  
"Grrr. How dare you speak to me with croutons stuffed in your mouth!! How you six came to own the Dragoon Spirits is beyond me, but I shall test you to see if you are truly worthy of mastering such sacred possessions."   
  
….   
  
"Well? Come on!"   
  
….   
  
"Transform already! Hurry up!"   
  
….   
  
"Sigh Don't tell me you don't know how!"   
  
"Why would we know how? We just got these things today."   
  
"But it's supposed to trigger automatically whenever you feel threatened!!" shouted Evil Lord Salad Dressing. Megan leaned against a wall and yawned.   
  
"Maybe that's why."   
  
"What?! Are you saying that you are not afraid of me?!"   
  
"No! I eat guys like you for breakfast," chimed Andy. Luna glanced at Andy.   
  
"Salad dressing for breakfast…gross."   
  
"You know what I mean."   
  
"I can't take this any more! I'll force you to transform!!" Evil Lord Salad Dressing launched himself toward Brandon. Brandon simply stepped aside and Salad Dressing crashed into the wall behind him.   
  
"Ok then, time to get serious." Evil Lord Salad Dressing unscrewed the cap atop his head and dressing erupted forcefully, showering the six teenagers.   
  
"Hey, this kinda burns! Are you sure you're not expired?"   
  
"Of course I'm expired! I told you, I'm from thousands of years in the past!"   
  
"Hmm, that would explain it."   
  
Gary's cherry tomato began to shine again as he held it in his palm. "I…hate…ranch!!!" There was a sudden flash of light and as it faded a look of satisfaction spread across Evil Lord Salad Dressing's face.   
  
"So, the Dragoon of fire has finally awakened."   
  
Megan and Andy were the next to transform. "This salad dressing is not going to be fun to mop off our floor."   
  
"Good! The Water and Wind Dragoons."   
  
Colin gazed into his box of croutons and turned it upside-down. "There aren't any left!" He reached into his pocket and debated over whether the large crouton would be edible or not, but, as it did earlier that day, it transformed him before it could be consumed.  
  
"So, you are the Earth Dragoon. That just leaves you." Evil Lord Salad Dressing shifted towards Brandon and Luna. "Don't be shy. Which of you is the Thunder and which is the Darkness Dragoon?."  
  
Brandon and Luna looked at each other.   
  
"I'm not about to squeeze this purple cabbage, if that's what you're thinking."  
  
"And I'm too afraid to see what I'll look like as a carrot Dragon, or whatever."  
  
A vein appeared on the side of Evil Lord Salad Dressing's neck and bulged. "You two are trying my patience. Feel my wrath!!"  
  
Before Evil Lord Salad Dressing could make his next move, a beam of croutons collided into his chest. Evil Lord Salad Dressing toppled over on the floor. "That's not fair! I thought you said you didn't have any more!!"  
  
Colin shrugged. "Hey, if I had known that I could instantly materialize croutons this wouldn't be the first time it would have happened." Colin lifted his arm again.  
  
"Please, don't shoot! At least let me get up first!!"  
  
"Relax." Colin aimed his hand toward his mouth and shot another ray. "Mmmm. These are really good!" Colin exclaimed, crouton crumbs falling down his face as he talked.  
  
Salad Dressing hopped up and charged at Luna, trying to get her to transform. But before he could make it to her, Andy jumped in between them. This, however, only caused them both to fall prey to the choke hold.  
  
"Haha, now I've got you!"  
  
Andy coughed. "Lettuce go!"  
  
Sweat drops came from the face of everyone in the room. Well, everyone except for Andy. Besides, by now his face was turning green. Whether it was from the choking or just because he controls lettuce is a mystery.  
  
Luna could not breathe and finally transformed.  
  
"At last! So you are the Darkness Dragoon reincarnation, making you, Brandon, the Thunder Dragoon!" Sniffs "Eww, what is that smell?!"  
  
Luna blushed. "It's not my fault that a head of rotten cabbage chose me to do this."  
  
Evil Lord Salad Dressing loosened his grip on his captors and fell to his knees. "That's just disgusting!" He looked down at his label. "It's even making me bleed?!!"  
  
"No, that's from a tomato I threw at you when you weren't looking." Gary confessed.  
  
Megan stood in front of the salad dressing. "You're leaking that stuff onto my tile floor. I don't want to have to clean it up!!"  
  
Just then the area started to flood with vinegar. "Oops. I guess I lost my temper. But hey, it's washing away the dressing."  
  
"Noo! Not Balsamic vinegar!!" Evil Lord Salad Dressing grabbed a knife off the counter and took a stance.  
  
"I'll handle this one," said Brandon, as he transformed. His baby carrot extended into a lengthy Carrot Sword.  
  
Evil Lord Salad Dressing's knife impaled the Carrot Sword and became stuck. He tried to pull it out, but it was no use.  
  
"Detonating Crouton!!" shouted Colin, as croutons scattered around Evil Lord Salad Dressing. "Heh, now if you move you'll be blown to bits."   
  
"What a bluff. These are just normal croutons."  
  
"Darn. He's good."  
  
Suddenly a purple haze shrouded Evil Lord Salad Dressing.   
  
"What is happening?! This isn't normal!" He turned around to see Luna bending over beside him to pick up a crouton. "Ewww!! That's gotta be a biohazard!"  
  
"Sorry, I got hungry. Deal with it."   
  
"Alright, fine, whatever. But I beg you, can we please take this outside?!"  
  
"Yeh, fresh air is a good idea. I'm turning green."  
  
"Andy, you're lettuce."  
  
"…Oh yeh."  
  
The group headed into the backyard and took a deep breath.  
  
"It is time to end this all. Ultra Evil Salad Dressing Cannon of Imminent Doom!!"   
  
…….  
  
"Why isn't it working!! You should all be dead!"  
  
"Umm, I think you've run dry," Brandon said, pointing to the trail of salad dressing leading from Evil Lord Salad Dressing to the house.  
  
"Nooo!! This can't be!!"  
  
Gary threw another cherry tomato at the enemy.   
  
"Would you stop that! That's really annoying!"  
  
Crunch Colin popped another crouton in his mouth.  
  
"And cut that out, too!"  
  
"Look, you. I'm addicted! And you haven't seen all I can do. That Detonating Crouton was just a trick, but this one's real. Barbeque-Flavored Crouton: may cause poison when thrown at enemy. Take this!"  
  
"Aaah, I'm getting a headache! Barbeque-flavored croutons, that's so gross!!"  
  
"And here's the finale. The Grand Crouton Stream." Colin lifted his hands to the sky and summoned a crouton the size of a house. He flew up to it, put his hands together, motioned for his friends to move out of the way, and violently his hands away from each other. On this command the giant crouton broke apart into several smaller croutons and rained over Evil Lord Salad Dressing. The croutons immediately began to absorb the little dressing that remained inside the container.  
  
That was the end. The Evil Lord Salad Dressing had been defeated and everyone reverted back to their human form. Andy's green pigments faded and his normal complexion returned. Luna's foul odor vanished. Megan was able to successfully clean the vinegar and salad dressing from her tile floor. Brandon un-wedged the knife from his Carrot Sword. Gary stopped throwing cherry tomatoes at people. Colin overcame his crouton addiction (probably because he ate so many thousand-year old croutons). And they all lived happily ever after.  
  
But wait. Suddenly a loud beeping noise descended into Colin's ears. It sounded much like an alarm clock. It was followed by the sound of his mother's voice. "Get out of bed! You're gonna miss the bus if you don't get up!" It had all been a dream.  
  
The End  
  
Author's note: As I promised, it was much longer. Sadly that was the last chapter. Please Review and let me know what you thought. I appreciate you taking your time to read this! 


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